Silent Confession – Ch.20 – Give you money, hold hands with me

           Zhou MuHui hadn’t celebrated New Year in a very long time.

           His childhood was spent in violence and quarrels, his youth spent in gloom and prison, and after he came out, he was running around for a living, his head was full of making money, and passing the New Year meant more banknotes than usual for him, it only meant that the road was even deserted after getting out of work. 

           But Xin Yi ran over, taking advantage of the fact that Zhou MuHui hadn’t returned to his sense to hold his hand, chitty chattering and hovering around him, the alley at night was almost without light, but Zhou MuHui could see the slight brightness beside, a light that seemed like fire, making Zhou MuHui unable to remove his eyes from it.

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           “Did you already eat dumplings?”

           Xin Yi asked him. 

           Zhou MuHui shook his head, he hasn’t said a single word from the moment they came out till now, but Xin Yi didn’t seem bothered.

           “Dang dang dang— —!”

           Xin Yi took out an insulated lunch box from his bloated down jacket, and lifted his head to smile at him, “I made it together with dad and mom, but it has cooled down a little bit, you have to warm it once you get home.”

           Zhou MuHui was stunned, and only said after a while, “Ok.”

           Xin Yi carried the insulated bow in his hand, then went to hold his hand, “Is your house far from here, how about I send you home?”

           “Right right, tomorrow is the New Year, do you have to go to work?”

           “…En.”

           Xin Yi blinked, “What is the ‘en’ for? Or is it for both of them?”

           Xin Yi’s hand was very hot, his palm print was very light, Zhou MuHui ______

           “What’s wrong?”

           Xin Yi looked at him weirdly, Zhou MuHui stiffened, and held up the impulse to look at his palm.

           “As you want…”

He avoided the hand that was held by Xin Yi.

“……”

           Xin Yi’s grasp was loosened, he foolishly looked at Zhou MuHui, and put his hand behind his back, whispered, “Okay then.”

           Zhou MuHui was distracted the whole way, Xin Yi said a lot, but his eyes always unconsciously landed on Xin Yi’s hand, the little kid’s talk was incessant, he often speaks then started to laugh by himself, but still did not notice Zhou MuHui’s strange behavior. 

           Until the next intersection, Zhou MuHui called him.

           “We’ve arrived.”

           Zhou MuHui said. 

           Xin Yi sneaked a peek behind him, it was a row of very normal residential areas, he obediently nodded, handed him the insulated lunch box in his hand, told Zhou MuHui, “You have to eat it.”

           Zhou MuHui said he knows, but didn’t turn around and left as he would’ve done usually, Xin Yi also had something on his mind, pursed his lips in anxiety for a long while, and taking advantage of the fact that he wasn’t paying attention, suddenly took a step closer. 

           “……”

           “I want to hold hands…”

           His voice was very small, and lacked confidence, his eyes timidly looked at Zhou MuHui from time to time, Zhou MuHui paused for a while, and lowered his head.

           The little kid’s fingers were twisting and intertwining the hem of his own clothes, that piece of cloth was about to be ruined by his rubbing, Zhou MuHui also did not know he felt so keen on this, once or twice wasn’t enough, he always had to come and provoke Zhou MuHui.

           But he hasn’t spoken yet, Xin Yi already hugged him.

           The little kid was very nervous, sticking at his waist and looking at him confusedly, Zhou MuHui could feel his hands trembling, and was sounding out like a kitten behind his waist.

           “Zhou MuHui…” Xin Yi begged him in a small voice, “Give you lucky money, hold hands with me, ok?”

           Two fingers stretched toward his palm, it was Xin Yi sounding him out, Zhou MuHui lowered his head looking at his panic-stricken face, and frowned.

           Xin Yi stuffed money into his pocket.

           That hand came out from his pocket, and sneakily stretched downward, and before he got to speak, lightly held him.

           “Begging you.”

           Xin Yi’s eyes were imploring, but the palm that was weakly holding his was full of sweat, Zhou MuHui could feel that it was moist and sticky with cold sweat, called him, “…Xin Yi.”

           Usually, when he called Xin Yi’s name it was for him to let go but this time Xin Yi didn’t listen to him, he slowly blinked, holding his breath and said, “You took the money, you cannot go back to your words now that you’ve taken the money.”

           He pursed his lips after saying that, fluttering his eyes, anxiously and fearfully looking at Zhou MuHui. 

           He was very anxious, Zhou MuHui could perceive it, maybe because tonight the moonlight was too dim, or maybe because he wasn’t really in his right mind, therefore he was easily captivated by that pair of eyes.

           Zhou MuHui did not say anything else.

           “Shh, don’t wake up the moon.”

           Xin Yi saw that he didn’t speak, he carefully started to smile, “I’ll accompany you to stay up to see the new year in, let’s not let him know.” 

           Xin Yi was sometimes very easy to satisfy, he could so happy that he was unable to find the North by just simply holding hands, Zhou MuHui saw him loosen his grip on him, the clingy cat finally got off his body, called him, “Zhou MuHui, tomorrow… no, today you have to eat well.”

           Zhou MuHui said nothing, he then stretched a hand again to touch Zhou MuHui’s face, carefully pulled down the mask on his face, and touched the scar on his face.

           “It’s obviously very cool, don’t hide it next time.”

           He always talks about it like an adult, Zhou MuHui lowered his head to look at his palm, very pink, and also very smooth, the palm lines were twined on his hand like the roots of a tree, it wasn’t that light.

           Zhou MuHui silently let out a sigh of relief.

           This night it was as if admitting defeat, Zhou MuHui indulged even more in Xin Yi’s approach, but Xin Yi couldn’t perceive anything, because since the start of school he was prohibited from going to find Zhou MuHui. 

           Zhou MuHui knew that he was in his third year in high school, near the gaokao1, he was afraid it would affect Xin Yi’s studies, did not allow him to come, Xin Yi didn’t dare to refute, but really couldn’t help but beg him, but in the end, was on only allowed to come to see him once at every half of the month. 

           “… I will study well.” Xin Yi came to find him on an April evening, squatting next to him moaning and groaning, “but this time my performance wasn’t good, mom keeps giving me supplementary lessons.”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t speak, but he could continue to speak by himself.

           “They are all very smart, don’t know why I am so dumb…” Xin Yi really could understand it, and asked him, feeling wronged, “Zhou MuHui, are smart people’s kids also supposed to be smart?”

           Zhou MuHui looked at him, “It is not necessarily your case.” 

           “……” Xin Yi felt discouraged, and didn’t want to argue with him, “My mom is amazing, went to college at sixteen years old, after that he didn’t pursue his studies, after five or six years he went back to take the exam, and got into S university at once.”

           Xin Yi asked him, “Isn’t it awesome?”

           S university was one of the best universities in the country, it is naturally very awesome.

           Zhou MuHui paused for a while, only saying after a long while, “Yes.”

           “I also want to pass the exam… but it is really difficult.” 

           He was a bit upset, probably because this time’s exam really was a heavy blow to him, Zhou MuHui saw that he kept his head lowered, paused for a long while, then hesitatingly caressed him.

           Xin Yi perceived the warm palm on his head, but didn’t lift his head, and just asked him while maintaining this posture, “Zhou MuHui, were your grades good before?”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t speak, Xin Yi didn’t ask anymore, he then felt that he seemed to have asked something he shouldn’t ask, but when they were done and about to leave, Zhou MuHui suddenly spoke a word.

           “Average.” 

           Xin Yi looked at him, “Ah?”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t continue to explain, only following behind Xin Yi, tonight he didn’t need to go to the bar, the little kid also had a day off tomorrow, muttering for half a day when leaving, in the end, pounced over with a little voice, saying that he wanted to send him home. 

           Zhou MuHui told him to go back when they were almost there, and called a car for him, Xin Yi waved his hand saying no need, and closed the door in a flash before he got to give the money.

           “Quickly go, I’ll text you once I get home.”

           Xin Yi leaned on the car’s windows and waved at him, Zhou MuHui took his hand back, and nodded.

           Xin Yi reacted after the car drove for two-three minutes, he had something he wanted to give Zhou MuHui, but he had forgotten it when he left, Xin Yi hurriedly looked behind, then told the driver to drive back.

           He was thinking that Zhou MuHui probably hasn’t gone far away, he started running after he got out of the car, and also took out his mobile phone wanting to call Zhou MuHui, but the call hadn’t been made that he saw Zhou MuHui.

           Zhou MuHui was very far from him, the direction he took wasn’t the row of residential neighborhoods, Xin Yi was stunned, and followed behind because of the curious coincidence. 

           Xin Yi could guess that Zhou Muhui didn’t have it easy, but he was stupefied when he saw it, where Zhou MuHui lived was very messy, Xin Yi foolishly followed behind him, and saw that he went into a small alley, narrow and obscure, but it seemed to be his house.

           “How come you’re so late?”

           A woman came out to greet him, Xin Yi was stunned, hiding behind the corner in a hurry, that person was probably around her fifties or sixties, Xin Yi thought, maybe it was Zhou MuHui’s mom.

           Because they really looked alike.

           “Not late.”

           Zhou MuHui supported her, “Let’s go in, mom.”

           The woman made a sound in agreement, walking out of the dark, Xin Yi’s breathing unconsciously stopped, because the other party was very close, because he could see her head was full of white hair.

           “I’ve saved up some money again, tomorrow I’ll remit it to your little uncle.” The woman said, “You can resign from that job of yours, our debt has almost been fully repaid, you should find a proper job, you’re not that young, you cannot keep wasting it like that.” (wasting his time)

Xin Yi heard Zhou MuHui pause, not replying to her, only asking, “Did you go to the hospital, what did the doctor say?”

           The woman let out a cough, her voice seeming to have become sluggish, “… Nothing wrong.”

           They were still talking, but Xin Yi wanted to leave quietly, he could feel that he was a bit offensive, because Zhou MuHui didn’t tell him these things, Xin Yi was a little stupid, but he understood that this time he ventured into Zhou MuHui’s secret base.

           Although it was unintentional.

           “It’s already past the Qing Ming Festival2 … Your father’s side… ?”

           The sound of the woman’s incessant coughs came from behind, not knowing when a drunk man walked past the alley, fiercely tossed a bottle of alcohol, the glass shattered around Xin Yi’s body, Xin Yi got a scare, his body nervously leaning against the wall, looking at the other party at a loss.

           “Where did that cat come from, his mother’s, scared this laozi to death!”

           The voices inside stopped for a moment, Xin Yi saw that not far away a back cat leaped over there, softly mewed in his direction, Xin Yi panicked, in the next second, the man who was about to move closer turned around, chased toward the opposite direction.

           “F*ck, don’t run!”

           The back cat’s cry was shrilling, Xin Yi’s heart abruptly trembled, but before he got to chase up, he heard a thunder3 that fell with a loud band behind him. 

           “He probably, doesn’t want someone who killed him to go to his grave.” 


Notes:

  1.  Equivalent to the U.S. SAT, finals exams in high school in order to get into university
  2. Tomb-sweeping day
  3. A metaphor to express when one hear a shocking information

I think I might change to updating in the middle of the week instead of the weekend because I am way too busy during weekdays and I only want to slowly work on my translation during the weekend and often don’t finish it on time. I am just giving a heads-up so you guys aren’t surprised if I don’t update during the weekend.


Milktea

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One thought on “Silent Confession – Ch.20 – Give you money, hold hands with me

  1. Each chapter gets better and better! Tho, the flashback was a little abrupt, I honestly love it! Aaaah! ZMH and XY past adds a lot more emotion to their ‘present’. Love it! Thank you for translating ^^

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